I wrote this back in 2015 and never intended on publishing it on this blog. I recently reread it, because I was cleaning out my drafts and getting rid of the ones that I knew I was never going to post. This post still holds a special place for me. As someone who has had to deal with people walking in and out of their life like clockwork, I think that it is important to keep this sentiment close to you at all times. The ex-best friend and I are actually on decent terms now, so posting this isn’t in any way an attack on her. This post articulates a very important time in my life that I have never really shared with anyone. So, without further ado, here is 2015 me writing about learning to let go.
You know how when you’re cleaning your room, you sometimes stumble upon things you had long forgotten about? Well, that’s exactly what happened to me today.
I came across an old scrapbook that my then best friend gave to me as a Christmas present back in 2012. And we didn’t exactly end of the best of terms. Without dishing out the details of the end of our friendship, all I will say is that I have some slight trust issues now because of her. I’m not even mad at her anymore. I’m just upset with the whole situation.
I thought it may be therapeutic to go through the scrapbook and rip up all of the pictures in it. And it was beyond therapeutic.
In the midst of my therapy session, the song “First Things First” by Neon Trees came on. The first words of this song literally hit me like a ton of bricks.
You are never gonna get everything you want in this world. First things first, get what you deserve.
It just set the tone for my healing process. It made me feel like my feelings were validated. I haven’t had an emotional connection to a song’s lyrics in a while. It was truly an amazing experience to be physically breaking down my walls while this song played in the background.
After this session, I went and wrote a lengthy entry in my journal. Usually I think long and hard about what it is that I’m going to be writing down. But, today, I just let my words flow. The result was fascinating. I wrote many amazing passages, but upon rereading my entry when I was done, I highlighted this section.
What happened to me in my past does not define who I am today.
I went on to say many things, but this quote is what sticks out to me the most. It is a very important sentiment to have when you are in the healing process: whether you’re in the beginning, middle, or end.
So, if you are going through something similar to my situation, just remember: your past does not determine your future.
Do not let the actions of others in the past affect how you behave in your day to day life.